Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Sphinx

Beware.  Graphic nature ahead.  If bikini lines make you nervous, you should come back tomorrow. : )  Ps. Girls only.  I love you boys, but go away, and come again another day.


 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Holy White Lightning (and not the Grease kind)!  That's what I saw today.  I think it was behind my eyes as I closed them, I'm not even sure.  Just searing pain.  I'll start back at the beginning.

About a month ago, I was shaving down there, and I just kept going...it was all new (the bare/bald thing), super sensitive, but nice to not worry about, especially in swimsuit season.  Daily.  I discovered quickly (within 36 hours), that it grows back lightning fast!  Then you have to shave again, experience razor burn (even with exfoliation before, and moisturizing after..I really studied this!), then do it all again.  (Not to mention that I don't have the time to sit and razor-shave an area I can barely reach, much less see!)

So.  Enter my new waxing decision.  I had asked around about a nice place in town that waxes, since I didn't want my business (literally!) out there just anywhere.  (This place offers wine before a service to take the edge off...my kinda place!)  Anyway, I called last week when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of shaving so often (somehow shaving my legs is perfectly acceptable).  They said you had to have 1/4" of growth to wax!  Umm..that's quite a lot of waiting if you ask me.  You have to go through the scratchy, pokey, grow out stage.  (especially after you are used to bald.)  Ewwww! : (

I made my appointment for this Thursday, since I had to make it before my monthly visitor came-and this was the meeting of the last-possible-date coinciding with least-grow-out time period.  (hahaha-the irony).

So, fast forward to today, day Finally Here.  Me?  Nervous.  But I had a secret plan.  (Besides p-r-a-y-e-r that I wouldn't start my period..thus ruining least-possible-grow-out-time-period!)  Remember my surgery back in August of last year?  I still had some pain medicine (yes, I rock.)  (Some suffering then = some relief now.)

I took one at nine am, having waxing appointment at ten.  By 9:55, I'm feeling nothing except anxiety (and still prayer over that monthly visitor!), so I took another one.  Why, of course I brought the whole bottle, thanks for asking.  If I'm not going to look out for me, who is?

I get inside, and Rhonda is waiting on me.  We go back to the Most Peaceful Area (signs with "Silence Your Cell Phones" and "Shh...Silence Please" are along the walls), complete with peaceful Chinese music, and I'm seated to watch a grassy garden (in the middle of town!) with a small water fountain bubbling.  I even video'd it since it was so calming.  But, still no med-effect.  More nerves as I have no shelter from the coming pain. (!!)

We talk, discuss, and she leaves me to change--meaning undress and lay under a pretty darkly colored paisley sheet in a darkened calm room full of calm music.  When she comes back she tells me to close my eyes since she has to "work" with the big, bright white light on (think fluorescent) (the kind I don't look at my own hooha under!)

Ok, I'll skip all the details except that I opted for the Sphinx, which is Everything (off).  I haven't been waxed in those places, and it caused some realization.  Realization that childbirth isn't the worst pain in the world.  Silly me.  Proclaiming that I'd given birth to three-both with and without surgery.  Without epidurals.  Ha.  Silly me, I say.

I like the whole "press-on-it-really-hard-after-you-pull-off-the-strip" to ease/calm the pain.  And I liked the "I'll-just-let-you-breathe-for-a-minute" parts.  Oh, and the "get-dressed-and-I'll-meet-you-outside" part.

And I should tell you the funniest part.  After she was finished with the "back" I was laughing.  She asked me if I was okay.  I said I had to laugh or cry, and it was better to laugh-I actually think I was giddy that it was over.  And I lived.  Oh, and the pain meds were finally starting to kick in.

(And do you really want the worst part?  I knew you would.  When she'd waxed over an area two times, and the hair held on...she had to tweeze it.  Seriously.  In the bright, white light.)

I checked out, and I swear, I have never felt it again. It's totally fine.  (It may get "red and swollen tomorrow"-ha!  Super Sexy!), but it's fine.  And No More Razors down there! : )

I tell you.  I've made it through a mammogram, killed a cottonmouth on my own, and had a full wax, all this year.  I think I can say I'm now a grown woman.  I wondered when I'd be there, but I've arrived.  It only took 37.817 years.


And Ps.  I started this afternoon.  Thank you, God, for sparing my embarrassment and perfect timing.

7 comments:

Stephanie said...

Oh Holly....You are KILLING ME! I wanna be your BFF. :) I'm still not a grown woman at 35 years old...my friends have both recently gotten waxed and I'm STILL trying to get up the nerve to do it!

I was seriously considering getting some EMLA for Adam...and then using it on myself prior to waxing. LOL!

Stephanie said...

P.S.

My friend told me about the tweezers too....I had NO IDEA they were that detail-oriented down there!!!!

Leigh said...

Oh my word!!!! I am laughing so hard I almost spit out my diet root beer!! I just don't even know what to say except that I am so thankful to know you in real life too!! Hahahahaha!! You are so amazing and i so feel like I need to sign up to be your student in so many things (pancreas, pump manager, crafter, decorator, mom, snake killer, hostess, etc. etc....) And now I can add THAT to the list of things I can call Holly about!! Love ya!! Wow! I just can't stop reading it over and over. Haha!!
And Stephanie - great idea on the EMLA!! ;)

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

You are DEFINITELY braver than I am!

Jen said...

too funny! :) I seriously cannot imangine getting the tweezers out!!

Reyna said...

Ah...I haven't dared to go there...I am gonna be 40! YIKES. I was rolling while reading. The "bald" look scares the be-jeezus outta me. I have some stretch marks down there from being pregnant. A nice "trimmed" look camoflouges them pretty well. I should start waxing my bikini line though. I have also heard "Vanilla Nair" works wonders!!!

Love you HOLLY!!!!

Tracy1918 said...

Oh my word! You are one brave woman! Yikes!!!!