Sunday, August 22, 2010

Are you there, God? It's me, Holly

Sick.  I've been coming down with something-and It's here.  Ick.  I went to church, but I wanted to come home-then they went out to lunch without me.  I was totally fine with it, I just wanted to go to sleep.  I think all the staying up till midnight last week working on Mary Claire's notebooks for the nurse/teacher, labeling snacks, updating charts for the notebooks, etc. wore me out!

I remember I was sick this time last year-about the first time I miscarried.  That day is coming-as is September-the month the twins would've been here.  It might be a rough month.  Ches just brought it up Friday night when we were out.  I guess I'm trying to stay positive, since we are still in the process.  I have to call the doctor in Little Rock on Monday to schedule my HSG (hysterosalpingogram)-I'm guessing it'll be the end of the week, maybe next week?  I found a Youtube video on it-not so thrilling.  It checks for problems, but can actually cause some problems.  I guess it can't get worse, so I'll go ahead.  This will be the last of the tests, as now I think I've had them all!  There is still chromosomal testing, but I don't think we'll have them-we've had three healthy babies-in a row!-and it won't help much unless we'd do in-vitro, and we don't plan to go that far.

We're just trusting God to provide us information and lead our family.  He has a great plan-and we can't wait to live it.  If it is just enjoying the family we have now-we can appreciate what we have and live each day to the fullest.  If it includes a bigger family, we'd love that too.  We always say we have faith, but until it's tested with some No's or obstacles, we never know how strong we really are.  It's easy to be a great Christian when it all goes well, it's harder when we don't get our way.  I still believe there's a reason for everything-I've seen it play out too many times to doubt it.

I have a friend that says she's walking 'through the desert', when she doesn't hear God.  I love her, and respect her faith, and I know exactly what she means!  I still hear God, but there are long dry spells, and God just wants me to pull closer, to listen more carefully-He's getting ready to say something phenomenal!  I remember teaching-and if I wanted the class to get quiet, I'd whisper.  They'd hear something, and get really quiet!  Then I'd whisper the instructions, and they'd all start whispering-it was great.  God does the same thing-He isn't going to yell over the world's chaos-He'll wait till we hear the whispering-then we get quiet and listen.
I'm listening, God!  What's that phenomenal thing You wanted to tell me?  I'm preparing my heart to listen.

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