Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I'll Fly Away

I've had emotional days. Maybe the tremendous stress, maybe that return of my big fat circle (period). Maybe emotional bubbles rising to the top. I'm a big ol' shaken up Coke bottle. I'm working through it. I can see sunshine through it all, so it's all good.

I found a new song today (or rediscovered an old one). It brings tears and joy to my heart. All at the same time. (It's down below on my playlist, at number 84, if you want to share in my tear-fest.) I think it's the memories pulled up by hearing it-memories of childhood hearing it at church, memories of my mom singing it in the car, the memory of it at my grandmother's funeral last year on my birthday. Just thinking about the sweet angels who've left our company much too soon. Hallelujah that they are rejoicing and singing at the feet of Jesus.
: ) We'll be there one day.

I've joined the ranks of a few million others as I bought an iPhone last week. It was the usual learning curve: first, you aren't sure you even like it, then figure out how to use it, and it grows on you..finally, you are downloading applications like there's no tomorrow. "There's an app for that!" is their slogan, and they are not joking. You can't even just "shop", you have to know what you are looking for to find one. I found some that are for making grocery lists, and they remember the order you check off things, and order them by store, so they'll be in the right order next time you shop there. I found one to use to look up carb counts for foods (but found out Ches had already bought it!), games for the kids to play-even practice drawing letters, a flashlight, level, famous quotes, books that are stored on your phone, just amazing things. I'm still learning, but at least I can make and receive calls. It's a start.

I also added service back to my old phone. I am keeping it to share our minutes and send with the kids when they are away from us. I haven't told them it's theirs, but it's available. When Mary Claire is away from us, it really scares me, and I need her to be able to contact me as soon as possible. I want her to have confidence alone, and know I'm only a phone call away. She's done extremely well, but you never know. I can't let my guard down. And I've learned I can't do it all and be everywhere at once.

I didn't listen to a sweet friend who told me their mistake after they miscarried. I was _______ (insert polite word for stupid). I am taking dinner to a family that just had a baby last week. I've worked on it all morning, and I know they need help (a baby does zap your energy, and it's their third), and so many people prepared meals for me, and I absolutely loved not having to worry about dinner on those days. So I put my name on the list. I just wonder if it was not a good idea. I'm digitizing the baby's name to monogram a blanket and cloth diaper for a gift. I just can't go make it. Maybe I'm just tired or lazy. I'll do it.

I had started an art piece (part acrylic, part collage-scrapbook-y looking) for the Silent Auction this weekend, but I don't know if I'll finish it either. (What's with me?) I wasn't happy with it so far, so I just took a break. I might finish it, but I have to add more. I think I was partly making it for me-big J (for Jones), and scripture to fit around the J (with the J for Jesus), and I thought I'd auction off a custom one for the winner, but then I thought I'd just auction this one, and make me another one...or I'd be sure I win the auction, and the church would get the money. See? I'm even confused writing about it! I am just in slow motion.

We are going to get our flu shots/flu mist this evening (it's our plan). We've called all over looking for the flumist, and found it at our kids' pediatric office. We'll make Ethan an appointment, and we'll get it too while we're there. Clay and Mary Claire are scheduled to get it at school on November 9th, but I don't know if it'll be soon enough, and I'm willing to pay for them to get the flumist this year. It has all three of the flu strains, and the vaccine only has the one they expect to be the worst for his year. It's also good for a year rather than 3 months. I want to get it when I'm not pregnant since I'm, number one, fearful of needles, and number two, have fears of anything coming into my body if I'm pregnant. I still won't give up the toxoplasmosis thing. I'm trying to let it go, really.

Today, hug your sweeties, then let them fly away : )


Gigi said...

Your posts are good, very good. Try this one of for size..Oh..I can't copy and I emailed it to FB.


The Ware's said...

Hi Holly! I'm thinking of you - if you just need to talk let me know... for the flu thing... did they actually have the mist? I called today and they said they were out and heard from others that had appt. that they were getting cancellation calls since they ran out - did you go to a different location? I really want the girls to get their's before too much more time goes by but not sure when they'll get more! Yikes!

Holly said...

I'll look for the link! I haven't seen it yet, but I've taken a computer vacation. I am trying to not be so addicted to my computer. : )

Sandra-No, it didn't work out. They put on their website that they had both, but when we called to make an appt. to get them, they said no. We left a message for the nurse, and we didn't get in. She wasn't so nice. They said they might get more in late October, but they wouldn't make us an appt. unless they had something for us. : ( So we go on with no vaccines.. Ches did hear the h1n1 vaccine will be here next week. You should probably get it! Really. Will Emily get it in school?

The Ware's said...

That's what I heard too about the flumist- just need to keep calling.. so we'll see! I hope to hear about the H1N1 vaccine soon - I plan to get it per doctor's request but there's also so many stories about it not being tested enough and so on... so it's definitely not a win win situation.. ugh!