The Misunderstood Trip

A big miscommunication led to a really long road trip today. We had this wonderful Saturday opportunity-a whole day opened up for us to enjoy! I took my time, got the kids their baths, made sure they cleaned up their rooms, made beds (maybe this is what I enjoy? Odd.)...and then. Ches and I were having a good day (tell ya more later), and we chatted about what we'd like to do today. We decided we could take a trip-maybe Branson to pick up the First Communion dress I bought this week (well, called and paid for) at Strasberg, we could go to Tulsa and play at Kaleidoscope (the Children's Museum) and go to Pottery Barn Kids, and Ches thought maybe we should go to Fort Scott, Kansas and visit his dad's grave site. Well, who am I to weigh PB Kids over his dad?

We all got ready, and didn't leave here till about 1:45-way late for a day trip, and Ethan had been up since 6am! He was so tired, but we were just sure he'd nap in the van (yeah, we were proven wrong). We have been planning to go to Ft. Scott since last May when we didn't have time to fit it in around Memorial Day. And every day is filled with so much (especially those four-basketball-games-a-day Saturdays in the fall!). Anyway, I thought Ches really wanted to go somewhere in our still-new van, so we got flowers, a camera, snacks, movies, and books for the kids, and left. Long story short, we got there, found his stone, took pictures, taught the kids a little about a national cemetery (like that the veterans' wives are buried on the opposite side/back side of them with the headstone engraved on the back-no, I didn't know this-but Ches did), and learned that they are picking up all flowers on January 20th. Sad, isn't it? They'll only be there for four days, but we just couldn't pick them back up. They talked to their grandfather they've never met, and we said goodbye.

We got back in the car and headed right back home. Can you believe that? I can tell you part of the reason-there's not much up there. It is a very small town (well, they have a Pizza Hut you can eat in, which boggles our mind because our PH is gone!), and there isn't anything to do. So, we drove back to Joplin, ate dinner, and came home. That's it. The kids are in bed, and our Saturday is gone. It was okay, I wrote some thank you notes, read magazines, the kids read, played games, and watched movies. We just spent it confined in a van.

On the way back home, I asked Ches if he was glad he went, if he felt better after visiting. He said, "I thought you just wanted to get out of the house!" Ha. Ha. It was all a misunderstanding. I thought he'd wanted to go somewhere, and he's suggested Branson, and I'd thought he felt he needed to see his dad. So, we learned something today! We will talk-and be specific and honest-on our next free Saturday (like next year or whenever). We'd both wanted our free Saturday to be at home relaxing, but we thought the other one wanted a day out! Crazy. At least we learned something, so it was profitable.

On another note. We went back to the doctor yesterday. We went together, so I wouldn't forget anything. I won't go through the whole thing, but he told me not to worry about the time restrictions he gave me on having a child before I turn 37. That was probably the biggest relief for me. I was so worried, not knowing if he was going to tell me that my time was up, or if he would help us. I felt like it was a toss up. It went fine, after he got in there (an hour late, but I have to assume he was delivering some blessed family's baby). He is so personable and even funny. I feel like he'll do what he can to help, so we will stick it out. He ran a panel of tests, so I hope I hear how they went on Monday. He told me I could continue my baby aspirin every day (I learned WaY too much online: to remedy/help prevent problems with antiphospholipid antibodies), and take it until we hear a heartbeat (he is ever the optimist), and he'll check my progesterone next month 7 days after ovulation. There's a plan, and not too invasive, so I can handle it. He wants me to stress less this month, and not try too hard (ie: not check for ovulation or pregnancy), and just to come in for blood work if I have pregnancy symptoms.

Long story, but it's our life right now. We went out on a date last night (we needed to get out together!), and went to PF Chang's. We are not big believers in luck or fortunes, but we do enjoy getting our fortune cookies! Last month, we got "big surprises in your future" (which I complained that we did get a surprise, and a letdown, but Ches thinks the surprise is in the future still), and last night Ches got "Beginnings are the hardest part, don't lose faith". I think you can find God and your faith anywhere. Even in a cookie.

Thanks, God for placing Your words in our hands. We needed a vote of confidence and a ray of hope. ...It's hard making a decision that you feel God drew you toward, and then failing at it. It sure makes life confusing.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

Parenting (mostly out of the shower)

Thanks, Mom, for letting Clay and Mary Claire come for the day! They had fun, and I needed a break. (They probably needed a break from me too!) I got a few more things cleaned up (I still had wrapping paper out from Christmas), had time to chop billions of veggies for stir-fry for dinner (8 cups!), got a nap (praise the Lord) to sleep off my headache (which is back, btw), and fit in a shower! Even though I waited until Ethan took a nap to take a shower (since I never know what he'll bring to me/carry into my bathroom...), he walked in with his blankie and his pants down! He'd had a potty in Clay's bathroom after his nap, and wanted to be wiped. I know, brings chills, doesn't it? I got out (while he just stood there sleepily watching me), dried off, and wiped him! Ahh, a precious child. I turned on the tv (sad, but it functions as babysitter when I'm not dressed), and quickly dried my hair! It surprises me how fast the days go by!

Mary Claire is having some trouble in math, mainly with double-digit subtraction with borrowing. It hasn't been formally taught at school yet, but I've been working with her. I talked with her teacher (Clay's teacher for second grade also), and she said she'd teach it earlier this year (after Christmas), and it still feels like it isn't soon enough. It's such a basic life skill that needs daily repetition to master. I worry about her. She's so smart (take yesterday's internet experience), but doesn't really WaNt to apply herself. How to motivate her...yes, Ches wants to reward goodness with internet time! Let's see how that one goes.

Almost done with the loss (not a better word to use here, I really tried to think of another). I am becoming more obsessed (at least I'm aware of it?) with getting pregnant. I have looked up all different causes of early pregnancy loss, and ways for me to be healthier. I'm pretty healthy, but there are more things I can do. I'm trying to cut caffeine (as is Ches), which may prove to be my biggest hurdle. I don't just like it; I love it. Coke, coffee, chocolate, my love. So, I'm a little moody today, and it's causing headaches (probably withdrawal). When it gets so bad I can't see, I have about a third of a can of Coke (maybe 20 grams of caffeine?), and it doesn't help. It just helps in my mind. : ) I've read that two cups of coffee a day can double the chances of miscarriage-not what I need. I can be an extremist, and don't really want to be, but there are small, simple things I can change.

I don't even know how I got to this point. A year ago, I was just sure (I think I was) I was done having kids. I had a conversation with my doctor at my last yearly appointment about any last kids (The Talk since I was Getting Older). I guess after you realize it's the end, and you do a lot of prayer time about children, you soften. Then, I was so surprised at myself at how excited I was to be pregnant last summer. You don't really know how you'll feel till you see a positive pregnancy test! I just cried. Then, losing that one, I was so disappointed. Now it feels like a quest. And, sadly, I just live for a challenge. Don't ever dare me to do something or say it can't be done. Just competition in my genes, a way of life.

It's already hard on a lot of days to have three kids. It's not three times the work of one, which some of my friends ask about. It's just more. You don't take into account the effect that each one has on the others, both good and bad. They are built-in playmates, adore each other, can't wait to see one another in the morning, help the youngest go to the bathroom or read to them, and they still get on the others' nerves, pinch each other, don't want to take turns, and want to know why the other one isn't helping unload the dishwasher! It's just More.

I've always said that I have a lot of faith, and I do. I don't think this is quite it, and I still think God has an amazing plan. He always surprises me. There must be something in the works, even as I ponder what it could be.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11