Tuesday, May 12, 2015

What I Don't Tell

I don't tell the horrible, awful, scared-my-kids-will-die-stories.  There is no reason to give life to these.  If I obsess, it's private (and usually driven by fear, not reality).  I don't need attention, I don't need my kids to get special attention.
yep, new pump today after a failure yesterday.

I don't complain about how hard it is to manage their diabetes.  If I've learned anything, it's to bear my crosses.  I don't need to whine about it.  Not just for me, but for my kids.  You write things online..and there could come a day when my kids read about my life-all these crazy things I've put out there.  I don't want them to think I hated dealing with diabetes (read: them) for even one day.  They are a joy, and it is not their fault.  It's just a part of our life. 
I keep a lot of the kids' highs and lows to myself too.  They're just numbers.  They don't sum up the kids' value, or mine.
Even when I've tested basal rates, bolus ratios, correction ratios, adjusted for exercise (or lack of), and know there is no illness..there are still other random factors.  Age of the insulin, length and quality of the site, air bubbles in the tubing, how long they had their site off for their shower, if any insulin dripped out..it goes on and on.  I have to have a mental notepad constantly going for both kids, and why invite others into that chaos? ha!

I don't tell about every time I change a site, when I fill prescriptions, how much our pumps, pump supplies, and glucose monitor and sites cost.  I don't "check-in" on Facebook at our endocrinologist's office.  I guess I don't see what good it would do. : )
Here is a meditation my sweet friend, Tiffany, happened to send me today..I feel like it explains my thoughts on not sharing every little detail:

Then I saw the Lord Jesus nailed to the cross. When He had hung on it for a while, I saw a multitude of souls crucified like Him. Then I saw a second multitude of souls, and a third. The second multitude were not nailed to [their] crosses, but were holding them firmly in their hands. The third were neither nailed to [their] crosses nor holding them firmly in their hands, but were dragging [their] crosses behind them and were discontent. Jesus then said to me, Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory. (Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, pg. 446)
Hence the not dragging my cross/sharing every little trial.  If you have a child with diabetes, you know it's hard.  We are in it together.  I'm praying for you, for an easier life, better numbers, for a CURE.
So we can stop depending on these silly things already.
**I'm participating in Diabetes Blog Week (go here and click to see the other posts here!).  Our theme today was "Keep It to Yourself" : )

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