Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Poo Position

Ok, so I started writing this at least a week ago!  Think it's been a bit busy. ; ) I'll just let it makes me laugh now. haha! : )  ....

Do you have a favorite food?  Or even a favorite food ratio?  I like Reese's peanut butter cups, and I really like them refrigerated.  My grandma used to keep them in there for us.  (She always had some..did she let all that goodness just sit..or did she eat and restock them?)  I also prefer the "regular" size.  When you get into Reese's hearts or minis or even the big cups..the ratio is all wrong.  Somehow though, they get the ratio right at Easter with the Reese's eggs.  The big flat ones AND the mini eggs (which I haven't been able to find this year?!).  The thicker chocolate shell around the outside is just right.

I also have a thing for plain Lay's potato chips and Hiland French Onion Dip.  I like the small chips since I don't double dip..and the folded over ones just make me mad.  They mess up my ratio of dip to chip since I have to guesstimate on the larger amount of dip I need.

I also like Chick-Fil-A french fries..and only the small ones.  I don't like reapplying ketchup or double-dipping (see above).

So..imagine my un-surprise when I have a child that has special things he does that makes the world feel "right".  (Maybe we all do?)

Anyway, yesterday..we were coming home from taking the big kids to CYM (youth group), when he starts yelling that he really has to go to the bathroom.  Like bad.  I tell him we'll be home in a minute (like two actually), and he should hold his b-u-t-t cheeks together.  He says it isn't working and starts screaming that it's going to come out!  So, we are laughing hard (and apparently a friend sees us wheel into our neighborhood and we start texting..), and Ches is laughing that the child sharded.  We have a conversation that it's shart-ed(If you haven't seen Along Came Polly, you need to. .if just to learn about a shart!) (and I should mention Ches uses this word anytime he possibly thinks someone sharts..he loves this word.  It's almost wrong how much he loves it.)

So we get home, and he RUNS into the bathroom (the boy, not Ches, haha!). He pulls his pants down, and tells me how awful it is!  And his tummy hurts!  It's kinda noisy, and I ask if he can wait 10 minutes for me ('cause he needs a wiper for this one) so I can go give Carter a bath really quickly since it's already after 8:00 (and Ches had to go back to get the big kids!).  He says he'll wait, and I tell him to flush every now and then so he won't stop up the toilet.

I give Carter a fast bath, don't wash his hair, and get back as soon as I can.  My bigger boy's crying that he wants UP!  I run get the baby wipes from Carter's room, and get back asap.  When I see him, he's crying that it took me too long..and he's in his favorite poo position.  He has to have his pants pushed down to his ankles, his shirt hiked up to his armpits, and if he has long sleeves, they have to be pushed above his elbows.  Then..he grabs the toilet.  Like, he's spread-eagle and he holds the front of the seat.  For a good grip.

So when I get in there, I can see that when he pulled down the pants/undies, the ickiness rubbed all the way down the back of his thighs, and then he sat in it.  And when he got into position, he smeared it on the seat.  And then grabbed.  Ok, let's just say you know me, and how I have a disposition leaning A..cleanliness?  So..I kinda freak the heck out about now.

I yell to not hold the toilet since it's smeary, so he leans right to hold the wall (and to shut the door since Carter's hot on my trail), and then all craziness breaks out.  I'm Clorox-wiping the door and wall now, and trying to hold Carter out with my leg/foot.  I get the seat wiped between his legs, and I tell him not to touch ANYthing.  So, he does his automatic, hand tuck under his armpits (second position choice), and I freak since now there are poopy germs under his arms.  So, I have him stand up and flush/wipe, wipe/flush, until I feel like his legs and hiney are clean.  (well..clean enough to make it to a shower to clean those germs a-l-l the way down the drain!)

I took the pants/undies completely off, socks included, and trashed them.  I should mention today was his Famous American presentation (he was Paul Revere!), so they were his getup.  Navy corduroy pants rolled to his knees with navy knee socks (of Ches'), and the pants had either been worn one or zero times.  I had to cinch the buttons at the waist yesterday morning to get them to stay at his waist.  Poor pants.  But..that poop just wasn't going into my washer.

I had him wash his hands twice while I kept cleaning the toilet and walls and door..and floor.  And took out the trash.

And then I escorted him to his shower.  I wouldn't let him touch anything, so I got his water ready, and put him in! was quite an evening.  He's such a sweet boy, and I hate having to yell and tell him what to do.  I hate that I freak out about the germs.  And bacteria.  And potentially spreading it to the other kiddos.'s all better now.  (Yay!)  Another *exciting* day in our crazy life.  Thankful for these little cuties.  And their quirks.  I mean..they put up with mine!  ..and even buy me Reese's on holidays! : ) 

Do you have a favorite food ratio?  (you didn't seriously think I'd ask about your favorite poo position?) 


Terry said...

My little one had horrible eczema when she was in preschool--looked like she was the victim of a weed whacker. One night she didn't make it to the potty, and--yes--pooped on her legs, the bathmat, etc. So hubby starts the laundry and while I am watching her on the potty, my poor sleeping toddler starts scratching her (wiped off, but not completely clean) legs. And they are just raw. Fortunately, and probably the only reason I didn't completely freak out, she already had a dermatologist appointment the next day. When I told him the horrifying story, he chuckled and said, "so can I assume you'd like a scrip for a topical antibiotic?" Yes, please!

Holly said...

Oh, Terry, that's hilarious!! Yes please on the cream!!