Sunday, September 27, 2009

So Thankful-even for sticky rice

I have to tell you my heart is renewed (broken then mended by the hands of God). I read yesterday about a mom that a friend knows, Katie (check out her blog if you are prepared to cry your heart out and get on your knees in prayer for her). I have read back in time on her blog, and feel so blessed to just be where I'm at right at this moment. Her daughter, who lived for two precious days on earth (and thankfully, Eternity with God) paid the price for my repentent and thankful heart (as she says). Oh to know that your child accomplished God's purpose for them in only two days. God is still reaping from her tiny, precious life. This was recent (in August), not long before I miscarried, so I guess I can also draw parallels.

I can't imagine carrying a baby to term, having a room prepared (and a closet full of pink clothes-as I did with Ethan and had to return/exchange them), and not coming home with a sweet-smelling new baby. I didn't have the time to do that, and I am actually almost thankful-I don't know if I could have handled it as gracefully (and I do mean Full of Grace) as she has. God has given us each gifts, and mine may not include fortitude.

We have decided to try one more time. If it doesn't go well, I'm not sure we'll have any more babies of our own. It is a hard thing to go through, and it's almost a lonely road. The kids are still praying daily for a healthy baby girl (I promise-I don't bring it up at all!). They request to pray for "her" every morning! If only we could be more like little children. So full of faith. We do pray for her, and it breaks my heart every morning. Only God knows what He has planned for those that love Him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

We did have our full day yesterday (games, Brownie Day, date night) and kids' PRE, church, and batting practice today. We are all so tired. It seems like we can't wait for Friday to get here, then by Sunday we are ready to return to the easier schedule of school. It has to slow down as some point, doesn't it? We did get to sit outside for a little while before dinner (and took some sweet pictures of Ethan chasing leaves!) and Ches swam with the kids after dinner while I cleaned up all our sweet and sour chicken and sticky rice! We've switched to brown rice, but it still sticks to the table, the kids' clothes, and the floor-so gross. And I thought the worst was grated cheese all over the floor. (followed closely by Rice Krispies since they dry and BOND with the floor!). And as I cleaned all the ick, I was thanking God for kids to dirty my house, and kids to clean up after-really. Sometimes we all just need a reality check.

Next Saturday is Ches' big ride: the Tour de Cure for ADA. He rode another 100 miles on Friday to get ready. He tried to ride most of the route-it's harder this year with Hogeye and down towards Devil's Den included: many more hills! He's pushing tons of carb boosters out on the road, and stops in to get a big drink with ice halfway (I don't know if he'll take the time during the race?). Then when he gets home, he starts eating to recover the minimum 5000 calories he'd burned. I noticed he looked thinner, and he said he'd lost five pounds that day! He does NOT have it to lose! : P I had made some beef stew (since he craves meat and veggies when he gets home after all that sugar!), and he had two bowls, then he even drove to McDonald's to get a Big Mac (which we just don't do!) and a drink to add to his calories. Just Imagine. Eating all you want because you NEED the calories. Mind boggling.

Next weekend will be equally busy with our International Dinner and Silent Auction for our church building fund, the Tour, and Clay's games. I also told precious little Isabella she could come play (even if that means tagging along to our games!). She's a doll, and the kids just adore her. She can be our "borrowed-adopted" daughter while we wait to see what God has in store for us!

See? I'm even more thankful for my friends' precious children. Thank you, God, for teaching us even through pain. God meant it for good (Genesis 50:20).


Gigi said...

Just a few words:

Only a mother knows the pain of losing a child or leaving a little sweetheart in the hospital to get some sleep then getting an emergency 'middle of the night' phone call and being told it is all over.

It doesn't matter about the room, the clothes, the newly acquired shower blessings given by loving friends and family.

What matters is someone is missing, and they always will be. What remains is faith, hope and prayer for meeting once again.

But the sadness is never over for the mother. Mothers never forget the loss, as well as grandmothers.

" And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee, he will NOT fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed. "
Deuteronomy 31:8

Holly said...

I know you'll never forget. They are always missing from where you planned them to be: with you. At least you know where they are: waiting to run to you in Heaven. : )

I think you learn to live along with the sadness. It's like a friend you didn't really ask for, but it reminds you to pray for that soul that doesn't inhibit the earth anymore. I think of it like an angel that stays with me.

I just mean that the closet stares at you when you get back. And it has to be cleaned/emptied/given away/packed away eventually.

No, the Lord won't forsake me, and I try to fear not. He has great plans for me! and he'll follow them through! : ) Philippians 1:6

Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie said...


Wow! Your words bless my heart and spirit tonight. Thank you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know I'm thinking of you as you try again and trust GOD's purpose for your family.

Holly said...

Katie, how you have time amazes me. : ) I hope to do anything to bless your heart. I'm still thinking of you most all day every day. I'm sure God is putting you on my heart as I go on with my days. Please know I never forget you, and I'm grieving with you, and with my mom. I guess until you've lost a sweet soul, you just don't understand.

Thanks, and I only trust God's will. Every day, I'm praying for His will, as it took so long to even decide to have another baby, so now I wonder if I chose wrong? Now I don't know what to do again. Just trusting.