Ultrasound Pix and What I Think About

I can't believe all the years I spent being unthankful for the kids' health when they were babies (and when they were preborn).  I used to smile when the doctor listened to the heartbeat, but I expected it.  I didn't think bad things really happened to people like me.  Now...it makes me cry to hear a heartbeat.

I had a good doctor's appointment last Friday-an ultrasound then doppler to see if we could pick it up yet (my doctor's good like that-he knew if we did doppler first, I'd freak out for a few minutes till we saw an ultrasound!), but we couldn't.  But everything was fine, and we knew since we'd just seen a strong heart on ultrasound.

Today, different story.  We went in just for doppler, to hear the heartbeat (we thought I was ready.  Ha!)  We saw a new doctor (they called at nine last night to say my doctor had a family emergency, and they rescheduled me), and she was sick, but wonderful.  She got it.  (Very Important.)  She tried doppler for a few minutes, but no luck.  We were sent down to the high tech ultrasound (finally...abdominal ultrasound!), and I experienced some déjà vu right away.

The last time I'd been in that room was with the twins last March.  I was also 12 weeks exactly.  So to sit on that table..was surreal.  Then she started the ultrasound, and last year came flooding back-my ignorance that there was no sound coming from the babies, my ignorance when she said she was going to get the doctor.  All of it, was right there in the room with me.

I just cried when I heard the heartbeat and she measured the sound waves to get a strong heartbeat of 164.  Just relief and thankfulness.

Real Sound Waves!

The baby was moving all over the place, but she caught a side profile ; )

My friends tell me all those prayers we prayed for all those babies were saved up, and they are for this baby.  I don't know, I just trust that God has a plan, I'm in it, and and currently we have a very healthy, exact-size-for-date baby growing.  Could it really be the real thing?  Could I really meet this child?  That's what I think every day.

That and I wish it was easier to go to the bathroom.  Pregnancy and progesterone really slow down your system.  I only share this for selfish reasons.  ADVICE??  Yes, I'm eating fiber, fruits and vegetables, beans...but dairy is my enemy.  And I need calcium!  I'm going to work on it-I just looked up top sources of calcium and get this, here they are in order:

1. dried herbs (!)

2. cheese

3. sesame seeds

4. tofu

5. almonds

6. flax seeds

7. yogurt, milk, and other dairy (really, down at #7?)

8. green leafy veggies

9. brazil nuts

10. herring (no, thanks)

See?  I'm going to be okay.  I'll eat some dried herbs and almonds, and lots of sesame seeds. : )  (and don't nuts have fiber?)

Praying for all my pregnant friends, and those that desperately want a child (I know how that feels too), that they may see the joy in a sweet baby, new from Heaven.  And for friends and relatives newly in Heaven-that they rock the babies already there.

Feeding the Insulin

Yesterday was breakfast for six.  Us five plus some insulin to feed.  Mary Claire went off to school without finishing her breakfast (and active insulin on board!), good thing it was countable mini-wheats!  I found them on the counter (yes, soggy in milk!), counted them (the things we do!), and called Ches who was en route with the kids on the way to school.  He came back, and I gave her a fruit bar (a pair!) and two fresh mini-wheats to make up the difference in carbs.  I hate that she can't just not finish her breakfast without a talk and a warning!  And we have to pre-bolus for breakfast, since she rises so fast.  That girl scares me.  Sometimes she seems so on top of things, and sometimes she's just a kid.  I hate that I expect her to grow up so fast too.  Guilt. The monster that doesn't rest.


I am so overwhelmed by our terrific JDRF Walk, and yet, I still have more thank you notes to write, so I'm not quite done!  I got one of Sandra's thank you's today in the mail, So Cute!  I always forget about those adorable picture cards!  I'm SO going to order some of those.  She puts in pictures from the Walk, and a note of thanks at the bottom-she's one of my smart friends.  I love her! : )


And...I am still surprised every week. ; )  Still pregnant-and tomorrow marks 10 weeks.  He moved my due date back to the original date (April 26th, but I'll have a c-section at 37 weeks since I start dilating early, and they have to catch me pre-labor) since my ultrasound was right on today.  I was so stressed since I had to start antibiotics yesterday that it would do something..bad.  So, I'm super relieved now.  I even totally hydrated all day yesterday, and stayed in bed a-l-l day (except for my doctor's appointment to get meds!).  I might miss out on some life, but it's important to me.

I go back next Friday, and maybe we'll check to see if we can pick up a heartbeat on doppler.  He said he'd do it after the ultrasound, since it could really freak me out if it's too early for doppler first!

We are making an effort to slow down a little, and I've let a few things go..but there are still so many things I committed to before I knew.  The kids' fall school fundraiser is the Husky Hoedown, and it's quickly approaching.  I have to get fliers ready to go home in next Monday's folders (and every Monday till the Hoedown)!  I pulled up all my old documents from last year, and they should be pretty easy to modify.  We just need to get lots of tickets counted and bagged so they are ready for ticket sales.  Is that a job you are dying to do?  I could send some your way! : )  Just holler!
 

Hope

I'm trying to think of anything to write about today-the weather, my new pink shirt, hope that we'll see sunshine, but all that keeps coming to mind is the date.  Today marks one year since I had the twins taken out of me after their hearts stopped.  I have done so well moving on in my life, and I continue to put one foot in front of another for the kids I have here.  I haven't lost hope, but for today, I can only remember what was a year ago.

The awful heart-wrenching ultrasound that came on the Monday (March 29th) that took my breath and life away.  The day of denial, March 30th.  The second, in-your-face-it's-real ultrasound and scheduling of "management".  And the day of the d&c, April first.  The very unreal April Fool's Day.

I came away changed physically and emotionally, and with new respect for the close friends and family around me who knew how to say the right things-which were sometimes nothing but hugs and patience.  So today, just let me be me.  Tomorrow will be a new day, and I will have made it through a year.


I still hope for the best-God's in the habit of giving it.

Remember, your Father knows exactly what you need before you ask Him.  Matthew 6:8

Jackson Pollack Crayons

I didn't find time to write yesterday, due to the ChAoS!  I had to spend over an hour cleaning out my dryer-Someone left crayons in their coat, and the melty wax COVERED all the coats and clothes in there.  They'd played outside in the very wet snow, and I'd just gotten the laundry started!  I began with the dripping coats-yes, they had a snowball fight, AND it was sleeting/snowing while they played outside!  I got them all washed, no problem, loaded them in the dryer, and set them on "Bulky Load" to run it extra long to get all the thick, fluffy coats dry so they could wear them out to dinner later.  Umm, mistake.  I'll have to show you pictures of the Jackson Pollock-style coats.  Yes, really.  Luckily the outsides of the coats are navy and brown, so only the insides (pink and yellow) are grossly covered in waxy crayon coloring.  The worst was a pair of Ethan's Gymboree orange socks that he LOVES, and they were so gross, I threw them away.  There was also a pair of wind pants that he really likes, but I'm envisioning them in the trash also...
They had a great time outside, and I made Ethan some dump-a-lings, so everyone got nice and full, and took naps.  We went out to dinner, and so many places were closed!  We found PF Chang's open, so we went there, and the kids ate really well.  Even Ethan!  I never know how it'll go.  Clay ate a ton (loved the lettuce wraps!), and Mary Claire ordered fried rice-not surprised!  We all ordered a tiny dessert, but Ethan didn't like the apple pie one he ordered, so before anyone got a chance, Clay ate it too!  Ahh, brothers.
Ok, back to me...I cleaned the dryer out with Goo Gone, then with some spray cleaner-simple clean, or something?  Anyway, then I was really worried to put in light clothes, since the dryer drum has this bluish-greenish-purplish tint to it.  As long as I kept rubbing, color kept coming off, and I've got a life!  So, I dried some blue and green towels and washcloths, and now I'm stuck.  I have a light load already washed in the washer, just Waiting.  I can't put it in yet, until the color is sufficiently off, and I can't wash more since there are wet things in the washer.  Ugh.  I'll have to move the wet (hopefully-not-smelling-yet) stuff to a basket, then run some dark stuff.  -of which I have plenty of since we cleaned rooms today, took down dirty clothes, and I haven't done laundry since Friday.  Yay, Tuesday.  I guess I'll rewash the wettish stuff.  Always fun.
On a more positive note, we are gaining a Really Clean Attic!  We've eliminated maybe half the stuff.  Half to Salvation Army (Ches' van is already full), half to give away (mostly teacher stuff), and half to still go through.  Yes, I'm aware that's three halves, but you should see how much stuff it is!  I have narrowed down girl baby clothes, baby toys, I've ditched bottles, stuffed animals, big kid toys, decorating stuff, blankets, pictures and frames, tents, etc.  Very Cleansing!  Ches even moved his desk into the bedroom today, just while I was on the phone.  I haven't cleaned/decorated/set it up yet, but we'll get there.  He's so much faster than I am, and I'm still going through tubs!
I have to say I'm excited, but nervous to see the office empty.  It means I need to work on decorating it (not hard!), just very real.  I still have the dark wood/white wood dilemma.  I want to use all of our baby furniture that we bought for this very reason, but two throws me a curve ball.  I haven't found a close match for our baby crib, and now they make them all short-without a side that drops!  And I do like some matching in a baby room.  I think I'd rather have two colors than a height that doesn't match up.  At least maybe it'll look like I chose it on purpose?

FYI-I get charged for one delivery, but have two hospital bills for the babies.  I'm all knowledgeable since I went to the doctor today.  I also learned that a multiple ultrasound (yep, that's where they make their money!) is $695!  A regular abdominal is just $270.  Ha.  Maybe I'll get to look at them twice as long?  I go next week for an ultrasound, so I hope it's a better look-with some answers!
ps-since when do you get a cotton ball with masking tape instead of a band-aid after having blood drawn?  It really hurts to pull masking tape off 12 hours later!

Surprises!

What an exciting day!!  I found a surprise in my mailbox today after church!  Are you guessing?  It was those scrumptious, melt-in-your-mouth coconut M&M's!  They were like tasting Hawaii again...(maybe that's my fascination with coconut?).  Ahhh..thanks John and Christine!!  Now, if you can just tell me where you got them!! I MUST have more!  They were so good.  I shared the bare minimum with the kids, Ches gave up his offering (sweet man knows where his bread is buttered!), and I ate the rest.  I have to say, there aren't many in there.  Really.  I read that there is about .3 ounces less than a regular bag, and each one is a bit more rounded-kinda like a peanut butter M&M, so maybe there were 18?  Don't worry, they really are gone.  I just had to eat them all, then they can't haunt me in my sleep.  See?  I'm thinking!
Tomorrow is another ultrasound.  Just to make sure everything is okay.  I'm excited and nervous all over again.  I just want to know they are alright, and normal.  I should get more pictures, and get to ask my doctor all my crazy questions.  Apparently there is a higher risk of preeclampsia, but I've already had it once.  Do you ever get it again?  And I really, really want to know if there are two placentas.  If so, good news, and less to worry about.
I did NOT realize that the academy awards were on-I have to go-I can't concentrate!  Congrats to Precious for the best adapted screenplay!  I'm just tuning in..I'll have to play catch-up now! : )

Glad we kept the other van!

I just have to blog, cause I can't Facebook, and I'm all nerves!!  I have some exciting news to share...yep, pregnancy is going well.  We had the ultrasound today, and it's TWINS! : O  We were shocked, shaky, nervous, and generally anxious.  We had thought there was a small possibility (more than four pregnancies, twins in my family, over 35 years old, etc.), but we were still shocked to hear it!  I think we were more excited than anything, but still.  When the doctor left the room, I hugged Ches, and he said he thought we'd have five kids.  When was he going to tell me?

The doctor had showed us the heartbeat, then changed it a little, then said, "Can you see it here, can you see it now, can you see it now?" I kept saying yes, and he said, there are two! and he was switching back and forth. Then he put them on the screen at the same time, and snapped some pictures for us to share.  It was all surreal.  We'd thought a big maybe, but to hear it is something totally different.  I mean after losing two, we were just so anxious to see a viable, healthy heartbeat.  Just seeing it was so reassuring.  More was unreal.  I'll calm down in a little bit, but for now, I'm a little hyper!  ~~Oh-and my doctor actually said, hold on, I have to look for More... as in babies!


Oh--and there are two sacs, which is good.  He tried to check my ovaries for corpus luteum cysts (if there were two, they'd be fraternal), but he couldn't see very well.  He'll check again next time.  There is a better chance for them if it's two sacs.  Ches remembers him saying one placenta, but I heard placentas, so we'll ask next time.  There will be 80 more questions to write down...

Ches drove right to work (we drove separately) to tell his department head.  He'd really like to teach his fall classes online, and he wanted to discuss it some more with her.  I've talked to him twice since he left the office, but I didn't even ask him how it went!  We have a date tonight (thank you, forethought!), so we'll talk more later.  There's so much!


We asked all the very real questions too, we didn't totally lose our minds.  We asked what the chances are of them both making it all the way.  With one (after seeing a heartbeat on ultrasound), it's about 92% chance.  With twins, he said there's an upper 80's percent of them making it.  Us-ever practical.  We just didn't want to tell the kids, then it change.

We also asked him when we should tell the kids.  He said if it was him, he'd go ahead and tell them.  We have another ultrasound to check the progress in 10 days, and he said we could always wait until then.  We had decided to tell them tomorrow -Saturday- since we were going out tonight, but I went ahead and told them after calling Ches.  They were so excited!  I told them that we were going to have a baby, and...there are two!  They both yelled, "Twins!"  I didn't really realize that word was in their vocabulary, or that they'd come up with it on their own, but they are pretty smart.  I'm glad they are excited.  They'd like a boy and a girl..I'll just place that order...  I told them we'll be happy with whatever God chooses for us. : )

Mary Claire did say she hopes I don't get "sick" like I did last time (she doesn't even know about the last time) and lose the baby.  I told her I have waited a while to tell her about this pregnancy and the chances of that happening are pretty small, but my prayer warriors can keep praying!!  Clay piped up and said he's praying for a girl, and I know Mary Claire prays with me -daily- for a girl.  I just want them to know their prayers are answered, no matter what.


Now I know why I've been so tired!  I'll try to rest more, maybe eat more calories? and take better care of myself, although I have been working on it since January.  Mom has requested I stop picking up Ethan so much!  I'll try to come down to his level more.  Is there data for harm?


When I called Ches at work this afternoon, he was on the computer looking up twin stuff.  He's so cute.  I'm glad he's excited, and interested.  I can't imagine a husband not being excited-it'd be sooo hard.


Alright, I must mosey on, and get ready to go on a date!  Keep saying your prayers, as my friend's hcg didn't quite double (but totally went up!), but I want us pregnant together, and I love her dearly.  I want her big and pregnant (hahaha), and I want a baby for her just as much as I do for me!  Extra time on your hands?  Say your prayers! : )  Hugs!

Low Stress = Wrinkly Jammies

The dishwasher debacle may be solved. The repairman was so nice, and we now know what’s wrong. : ) The control board isn’t working, so it has to be replaced: $260. We told him to hold off, while we made a decision.

That decision included some online shopping, review searching, price checking, and a long snowy drive to Lowe’s! Somehow two hours evaporated in there! I looked down and it was a little after one pm! Good grief, I can get lost in any kind of shopping! I think the power to spend was overwhelming. Ches called back after he left for work this morning and told me I could spend whatever I needed to get a good dishwasher. It’s something we use about twice a day! And it needs to work well. I ended up getting a Whirlpool Quiet Partner kinda like what we had in our last house. The only difference is the buttons are up on top of the door, so you can’t see them.

For the two hours we checked out dishwashers, the dryers behind them, played in the car cart (Go, Lowe’s!), took a bathroom break, and Ethan tried out every “tractor”. Twice. I was mainly trying to making a decision. It was so hard. The Maytag and Whirlpool were identical, practically, but the silverware thingie on the Maytag took up valuable bottom rack space, so it was the deciding factor. We’ve had a Whirlpool, and it worked well. I read in the reviews that the WP can make a lot of steam and drip out the vent-scary. I’ll let you know, ToMoRRoW! It’ll be delivered and installed by Tomorrow!!! I can’t wait. Oh, farewall, fair paper products! How I long to hear the clink of silver on porcelain. : ) (or stainless on stoneware, whatever.)

So..my “lowered stress” has been impacting the family. I now don’t stress when the clothes are out of the dryer and sitting in a laundry basket for days. Even five days. Then I run out of baskets for clean clothes. Really. I had to sit and fold three laundry baskets of clothes tonight! (I guess now that the dishwasher is being replaced, my fixation can move on?) I had stacks and stacks! And no, I’m very organized when I pull them out of the dryer, so they weren’t too wrinkly. The undies and socks get slung around, but the t-shirts get folded in half and laid flat. The jammies are a little wrinkly-ish, but just don’t come over for the next week After Hours. You will never even know. : )

I got a new book. Again. I know, but I *heart* books! I got Dr. Oz’s new You Having a Baby, and I’m busy making a chart (if stupid Excel didn’t keep closing down, you wouldn’t have heard from me tonight) on all the vitamins that my Prescribed Vitamin doesn’t even come close to! It’s awful pathetic. The only thing is has enough of is Folic Acid, the minimum of DHA, and Iron (enough to constipate me). So, the chart begins. I’ll have to eat 4000 calories a day to get it all in! Where do they get these recommendations, really? Some are like 3 and 4x the FDA’s guidelines. How do I know? Yep, I googled them! Here. I mean, haven’t you always wondered (or not..) when you read a label and it has 15% of Vitamin A, what is 100%? or exactly how many IU is that? (Now you’re wondering about IU, right?)

Ok, the only other thing on my mind is telling my kids. I want to so bad, but Ches says no. There’s always that chance…and don’t think I forget. I just wish they could share in the joy, even if it was short lived. They are precious, and still praying, and I’d like them to know God has answered a prayer. He listens to us! It’s a great lesson to learn, and by golly, it builds our faith!  Another couple of weeks maybe.  We have an ultrasound on the 26th, so that will make me feel better, and maybe we could tell them after that?