First Bra Straps

So..I went to see my obstetrician (err..um, well he actually sees me) on Friday.  When he walked in, right away he asked the last time I'd eaten, and I got a little excited about having him right then (and apparently an audible eeeeee! came from my mouth-'cause Ches asked me about it later!).  I told him 7:30, and got really excited, thinking if my cervix is doing its job, we'd be in business. : )  But..Ches has been praying too hard not to have a March baby..since there was no progress.  Back to the drawing board.

I had a non-stress test also to check the placental function.  (it monitors baby's heartrate, my contractions, and his movement).  If his heart rate increases with his movements, then he's getting plenty of oxygen, therefore the placenta is functioning.  It took almost an hour, but I felt better when I left, that my body/his placenta is indeed working. : )  Always a stress reliever.

I go back on Tuesday for the same NST (non-stress test), and another appointment.  We are waiting for dilation, and if we see progress on Tuesday, maybe a baby on Wednesday! : )  We'll see..my body has not been predictable at all this time.  If I don't have him by then, I want to try to wait till the next week.  I really don't want to be in the hospital on the weekend when my kids are home, especially for Easter!  (and they are so excited!)

Ok, ok, enough about baby-n-me. ; )  (it's just all I can think about!)

Mary Claire had a big week this week.  When we shop together, we always pass displays of bras at Justice or Target, and she always screws up her face, says, "Ewww!" and asks if we can go around, or go the other way.  I have told her repeatedly that there would be a day when she'd like them, and even want them (insert crazy look here).  She couldn't disagree more.

I've asked her if she wanted to look at them, try them on, wear them, etc.  Always no.  Even some of her friends are wearing them.  Well.  One of her friends that she really likes wore a bra on Monday, and the world turned around.  She came home begging for (you guessed it!)...a bra.  Mondays are long, and she has choir and we didn't have time to shop, so she made me promise I'd shop on Tuesday, and have her a bra by after-school-time.  She even pulled out her Care and Keeping of You book, and told me I should measure her. 

A couple of measurements later, and she was thrilled.  I, on the other hand, was nervous.  I had no idea what I'd find, or what style she'd like.  So, Tuesday found me shopping.  There are these new bras, that I hate, that are padded for little girls.  It just sends the wrong message, like they need the padding.  But they were the only ones that looked like bras-they had the little hook in the back, and sizable straps.  The others were pull-over cami-tops.  I got both kinds, since I thought she should get a choice.  She picked the cami-kind, yay!  (And I promise I didn't influence her in any way.)

Then she asked about wearing a different one every day, and needing more colors, and asked if there were any other prints, etc.  I went back Wednesday, exchanged the unneeded one, and got her a couple more with polka dots.  She was so excited, and I was so proud of her.  Now, every morning, she asked which "uh-um" she should wear, and will the straps show, and should she still wear a tank top over the bra, under the dress to not show straps, and should she sleep in it, and is it dirty, etc.  I just love that girl.

Just goes to show, when you aren't ready to deal with something, you won't deal, we are somehow incapable.  When we are ready (..or maybe our friends are ready first), we are present, thinking and involved.  Love when that finally comes around. ; )

Here's to my little girl growing up.  It makes me cry to think of her as a big girl, but she'll always be little to me, you just can't tell from looking at her.  And her straps.

Invisible Pants

Pants are..so overrated.
I've decided that comfy ones don't exist.  Not at this point.  I tried some new ones on this weekend, but none were just right. (or better than the ones I already had at home!)  So...lately, I'm just staying home and comfy. ; )  My kids laugh when I open the door to them sans pants.  But, they just can't see my newest invisible pants.  They can just call me the Emperor.

I'm also having shirt issues.  I got a few more shirts..but I had to get larges to get them long enough!  Apparently it is incredibly en vogue to wear short shirts?  They aren't much longer than my regular shirts, so they don't cover a-l-l of my tummy.  I'm not down with that.  (because?  I'm not 23, teensy, little-bellied, or a catalog model.)  And when a certain little boy sees a sliver of skin (since it's the perfect height), he sees the need to lift my shirt and expose my belly button spot.  See?  Need Longer Shirts.  Oh, and they help cover my invisible pants.

I have to admit..I have only a couple of pictures of me pregnant-ever.  One of them is on my Sam's card (and totally haunts me every time I pull it out..especially in that flowery maternity shirt!), one pregnant with Clay and one of me with Ethan.  I'm guessing this is it for me, so I'm up to three pictures with this sweet baby!  (and yes, self-tanner is my new BFF!)  (but don't notice the brownish spots around the un-exfoliated areas..I can't reach my ankles!)


Tomorrow marks a full 36 weeks pregnant!  No, I can't believe it, and yes-still pinching myself!  Yep, officially nine months.  I can complain now, yes?  I went to the doctor last Friday, and no progress.  I was so disappointed.  I just knew I'd see a centimeter or something.  Of course, my hopes for this week are back up again.  I am still hoping for next week..

We have seen our April busting at the seams, and I don't know where else to fit in a birth and hospital stay!  The kids have standardized testing the week of April 9-13, and I want to be able to feed them, send healthy snacks to school, and tuck them into bed (early!).  Clay has baseball practice five days in a row, starting Friday (I mean, in addition to the practices he's already having!), he's camping out this weekend, soccer games start Saturday, and It all begins. Ches came in exasperated this evening to tell me the line up, and how busy it was going to be!  (and..kindergarten registration is April first!)

I did, however, manage to get Easter baskets made!  I got them all new liners from Pottery Barn, and monogrammed them last week to match:

Ethan picked his out, green of course! ; )

Clay and Mary Claire picked theirs out too-MC picked pink with flowers, but they are on the back and sides!

I forgot to take pictures of them all loaded up before I covered and hid them in my closet..I was in a hurry to get them done!  If something happens between now and Easter, I still want that bunny to come visit ; )  Although, the big kids keep asking if I can tell The Bunny something they'd like to have..ha!  Mary Claire even asked today for something to help her in math..she's getting good at this.
Clay's basket was all camouflage eggs and tan shreds and new boy scout stuff, Mary Claire's is mostly coupons for American Girl and Kindle stuff (and nail polish and lip gloss!), and Ethan's is still toys (cars, airplanes, and a DSi game).  We are pretty scanty on the candy due to the big D, but there are a few eggs with chocolate. ; )  It gives me a good excuse to buy the bags of candy, and then there is so much left.  Oh..what to do with it all? ; )

Bunnies, Braces, and Boy Scouts

I can't write about me till I tell you about Meri and Ryan.  This sweet family is battling Ryan's newly diagnosed cancer (6 brain tumors and additional ones in his lungs and abdomen).  I will not do them justice, but they are an amazing family-with four sweet boys (three of them with type 1 diabetes!), and they need our prayers desperately.  Ryan has already started radiation, and they are beginning to fill with h.o.p.e.-thanks to everyone's prayers!  Please keep them in mind, and you are welcome to send them thoughts, prayers, and even donate if you feel called!  Here is their facebook page and their Give Forward page where you can send them hugs or donate!  Just say hi and encourage them..it's been hard to accept the love..they are such givers.  I'm so thankful to have gotten to know Meri-she's such a blessing! : )

And we have still been going..like Energizer bunnies.  I guess in more ways than one. ; )  I'm still making it-not so far to go now, thank goodness.  34 weeks on Tuesday!  Tons of contractions, little back pain today, but hanging in there.  I need him to get a little bigger so he can come right home. : )

Mary Claire had a JDRF Awards Ceremony for the walk we had in the fall, and Clay has finally moved up to BOY scouts, and earned his Arrow of Light (a BiG deal!):

A super fun awards ceremony: awards, go carts, games, and prizes!

Isn't he good to pose for Mama?  This was graduating to Boy Scouts (from cub scouts).

He was one of three boys who was a "Webelos Super Achievers": earning all 20 activity pins! (Totally thanks to his daddy!!)

Here's the special patch (that doesn't go on his uniform!)

Then he got ready to cross over: they removed the navy tabs on his shoulders, his handkerchief, and the little clip.  Then..

His new pack was on the other side to give him new tabs and a new handkerchief!  Look how big they are.  Oh gosh.

He's so excited! ('Cause they camp out at least once a month and a week in the summer!)  Can you see his sweet smiling face in the center?

And after we'd been up front presenting our sweetie with his arrow of light badge and his arrow!

Ok, seriously-Daddy was SO responsible for keeping Clay on track for his Arrow of Light and for all his pins-way to go, both of you! ; )

..and I just get to smile with my boys. ; )  (Ethan had already jammied up for bed!)

Ethan is doing well-we found out after a preschool eye exam that he has astigmatism, and after a real eye exam..he really does have a football-shaped eye (just one, so..), he is getting glasses.  My little boy.  He gets them this week, I think he'll be adorable.  He is so excited!  Now we know why he seems so :clumsy: bumping into the door frames, walls, countertop, even the water fountains at school!  Walls appear to bend when you have astigmatism, and you don't perceive surfaces/dimensions well.  Our friend, Dina, seems to think he'll grow out of it possibly.  We'll go back this August to check again before school starts.  If he doesn't get glasses the other eye will do all the work, and the right one will get weaker.  Can't have that.

And we are going for his kindergarten well-visit tomorrow..he goes this fall, believe it or not (I don't.).  He will surely get vaccines updated, which I've conveniently forgotten to mention to him.  I think I'll spring it on him with a treat/bribe.  And me?..I'm getting my braces off tomorrow-finally!  (well, I hope.)  I was supposed to get them off last Monday, but the lab was really busy-so tomorrow is the plan.  I've been begging/demanding to have them off before I deliver..and hopefully everything will happen in order. ; ) As long as these contractions hold off. ; )


Busy week coming with lots of appointments, Bible study, Bunco, hair, doctors, and Endocrinologist on Friday!! Hoping for a good a1c, we'll see what we get. ; )  Love to be busy right now, it makes the days go so fast..and the next week is Spring Break!  Ches is so excited.  He's taking FMLA (sick hours) after that for the remainder of the spring semester.  I need him, but he's getting to teach from home-a much needed rest/break after years teaching.  We are so ready. ; )
 

It's a...

Boy! 

Oh gosh-was I surprised.  I totally thought the ultrasound doctor was wrong at 13 weeks..seemed impossible.  But, maybe he was better than we give him credit?  Hahaha!  Or he was preparing us?  Totally.

We are excited, and soooo thankful that our sweet baby boy is healthy.  Everything looked great today.  The placenta is low again..it's on my cervix, but it should move up.  I'll have a c-section anyway, so I think it'll be fine. : )

I have already separated out the girl clothes I got on Black Friday with the kids.  I'll take those back in the next couple of days, and get some more boy clothes.  I have to say, I did cry for the first time today separating them, but I'm okay.  I'm so thankful to HAVE a baby, to have a HEALTHY baby, and that we're still making it!

We talked about names..since Ethan feels it is über important to have a name!  We have a few: Maximilian Nicholas, Maximilian Xavier, Zachary Nicholas, Carter Nicholas (Ches doesn't like so much), and William Xavier.  He loves Cole and Chase (because they play for the Phillies!!), but I'm not crazy about them.  I think Maximilian Xavier or Nicholas is in the top spot...we'll ask the kids for a vote too. : )  

..and we have to tell them!  I was going to call the nurse to tell Mary Claire on her 12:00 blood check, but there is a substitute nurse, and I didn't know how Boy would go over.  I'll tell them all after school. ; )  Praying for happy responses and good attitudes from all!  God chose what we needed, and He knows our long term plans.

Just thankful for today, and to be here in this spot right now!  Thank you SO much for all your prayers for our family, we can feel them.  We have J-O-Y on this happy day! : )

Full of Thanks!

Hey ya’ll!  I’m back, I’m back! : )  I’ve so missed you-and your lives too!  I’m trying to get back on top of things (heehee)..and I couldn’t sleep (even on the kids’ break..), so here I am. ; )  (I think I’m on a new schedule…called Early to Bed, Early to Rise!)

I got a new camera (yay!) (it’s a Canon SX40HS), and today I did the first upload-and it took a while..those videos take up SO much room!  I am really hoping to catch up here, move forward, and get to some *FUN* things!  I have bought some absolutely adorable new designs for my sewing machine..and I totally need to get in the Christmas spirit! ; )

..and I’m getting there!  I remembered that I’d promised Stephanie I’d make her daughter some American Girl bedding for her fancy white bunk beds…and I finally got it done. ; )  It turned out really cute.  I looked up Sydney’s bedding online at Pottery Barn, and tried to match the colors-then I added her dolls’ names to the pillows.  I mean, how PB is that? ; )

This is Kanani's bedding ; )

Ready to mail! ; )

Friday Ethan had his Thanksgiving play-and the kids were adorable!  Monday all the parents helped take them on a “field trip” to Chick-Fil-A to sing in their Indian outfits again…this time with an audience! : )  Chick-Fil-A even gave them free kids meals (and gave the parents ice cream while the kids played!).  They did really well-I think better than at the school.

His class after the play-he's at the back right!

Afterward.  Not great, but the only one I got!

His was better! : )

With his friend, Andrew and their turkeys! : )

Chick-Fil-A welcomed us Monday with a big sign!

He was ah-ah-ah-ah on his mouth (what do you call that anyway?)

And a great picture!  (after he saw the ice cream cones!)

And yesterday, Clay had Colonial Days!  Did I take a picture?  No. : (  I was busy helping all the kids in the class make pomander balls!  There were six centers for the kids, and I only did one..but I got really good at it! ; )  We used oranges, poked holes with a toothpick about a half inch apart, then rolled them on a napkin (to dry them), then in cinnamon (to show the holes), then poked cloves into the holes.  Afterward, we wrapped them in muslin that I’d precut, and tied them up.  They smell absolutely delicious!   (I totally got the best center!)  The kids wanted to lick the juice off the orange as it dripped, and then it made them all hungry.  (Good thing there was a butter-making center with fresh bread and hot cocoa!)  I wish I’d pulled out my camera for a picture, but I got too busy!  Here’s a picture I found online, courtesy of eons.com:

This one is rather perfect (and has tons more cloves than we used!) ; )

After school, we took the kids to see Happy Feet Two-it was so sweet!  The son, Eric, really was loving this “flying penguin” (you find out later it’s a puffin), but finally comes to see his father as the hero in the end.  So precious.  And the singing was awesome!

Today I’m making dressing for dinner tomorrow, and I’m debating making sweet potato casserole (because it’s so delish!), or some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins (they are EASY-three ingredients!!).  Don’t you just love a day to eat, oops I mean, be thankful?  And boy, do we have lots to be *thankful* for this year, despite all the rough stuff.

In fact..I should give you the recipe for the muffins-they are impressive (IMHO), but so simple. :o)

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Mini Muffins

Ingredients:

1 can pumpkin (15 oz)

1 box spice cake mix (I buy Duncan Hines)

1 bag mini chocolate chips (if you are making regular-size muffins, use regular chocolate chips)

Mix together pumpkin and cake mix well.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Put into mini muffin tins (makes about 48), and bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes.

*Mini-muffins have about 13.8 grams of carbs each.*

As soon as I get the kids’ shirts done (Mary Claire got a peace sign with reindeer antlers!), I’ll set up a contest.  Maybe Black Friday?  Until then, may God bless you with a very thankful Thanksgiving! 

Ps-baby is fine, and I’m growing : )  Counting the days till December 5…whadaya think?  Boy or Girl?

 

Bless You!

Thank you so much for your sweet words and prayers.  They lift me up.  I'm doing fine (yay!).  I am taking my progesterone, and still going.  I go back to the doctor on Monday, and I'll ask for lab work again to check on things.  : )

So..we've been busy (surprise!) (but yes, I'm trying to get naps)  I helped Mary Claire yesterday with her Book Rocket (I don't know how they come up with these things!).  It was for the school book fair in the library next week.

They are made of anything, but they should represent a book.  Mary Claire chose Finally (she calls it 12 Finally) by Wendy Mass.  There's also 11 Birthdays and the newest...13 Gifts!  She can't WaiT to get it at the book fair next week! : )  So she asked me to print a picture of the cover to glue onto the (toilet paper) rocket.  She'd bought a sheet of peace sign scrapbook paper last week for it (I know it doesn't match..she just likes peace signs!)

Here's our picture (but we cropped out the "Click to LOOK INSIDE!" part ; )  thanks, Amazon!

The birthday candle was totally her idea: makes the rocket go faster and goes along with the book ; )  and the ribbon?  We have to have ribbon on everything!  Isn't it funny how it looks like a blindfold?

And it needed some glitter. ; )  Glitter around the picture, and glitter on some peace signs.  Glitter always adds some fun!

And today?  I worked on stuff for PRE (Parish Religious Education=Sunday School)!  It starts on Sunday (I'm also teaching Children's Liturgy during Mass-but Ches says I have to quit!)  I made some cute little cards with ACTS:

Adoration (adoring God and praising Him for who He is!)

Confession (sins separate us from God's love, confess your sins)

Thanksgiving (give thanks for all in your life and your world)

Supplication (pray for others and yourself)

for the kids and on the back: symbolic pictures with the seven sacraments.  My friend Tiffany and I are teaching the First Communion class, so it'll be really fun, rewarding, and demanding all at the same time.  We are really excited! : )  I also got a bunch of stickers, and divided them into baggies for the students to decorate their nametags, folders, and notebooks.

We are planning to have them write their prayers in their notebooks as they come in to the room using the ACTS prayer card reminder before we get started.  We have to prepare them for their first reconciliation (confession) too!

Anyway, we are nearly ready.  I'm praying for their hearts to be prepared to receive Jesus, and for their protection.  We are also praying for our protection (along with our families), since we are targets right now, bringing kids closer to Jesus.   I know..a million and one reasons for me to PRAY!

My sweet boys both have two baseball games tomorrow!  (well, baseball and teeball)  They are nearly at the same time, and Ches is coaching Ethan's team, so he can't watch Clay's games-and they overlap.  I hope they both know how much we love them even if we are walking back and forth from game to game! : ) We are just really fortunate they are playing at the same ballpark. : )

Alright, I have to take some medicine and get to bed.  I'm full of thankfulness to each of your sweet hearts for your time, patience, and prayers!  Thank you for rejoicing with us.  We are blessed to have Today.  Just today is all that's promised, and I had another great day. : )


ps-JDRF Walk Shirt Design is due to us on September 14th! ..Excited!! : )

Your Own Best Advocate

We had the busiest day ever.  I don't care to recap it, except to tell you that I got my van back.  Kinda.  They did NOT replace the hood (like the insurance paid for) or even repaint it! (like the insurance paid for.  A full $4800+).  Cough, cough.  I complained, and they are going to repaint it one day next week.  I'd already turned in my rental car, and we had baseball and boy scouts to skidaddle to!

..and I saw my obgyn today, and I'm still pregnant (it's a tiny bean with a blip-blipping heart!). : ) We did see a heartbeat (yes, I'm thankful!), and it was about four days behind where it should be, so they moved my due date, and he said maybe I ovulated late.  (since I certainly wasn't watching!)

The other thing.  I asked him to check my progesterone again even though it was fine last time.  I do a lot (too much..) internet-intelligence-building (heehee), and I know that progesterone should increase slowly through your pregnancy, topping out at least at 40-180 (see here, here, and here).  My doctor reassured me that I was over 20, and not to worry.  I pressed.  He said if it'd make me feel better, he'd draw up the lab request..and I did insist.  I even wondered on the way to the lab (for a voluntary blood draw) if I was CrAzY.

Now, I know I'm totally sane.  My progesterone has dropped to 17.6.  They called this afternoon and put me on prometrium (synthetic progesterone).  I feel better, I just hope it's enough and soon enough.  I'm just thankful for my experience, and that I pushed as my own advocate.  I've slowly learned that no one can/will speak up for you like you can.  No one else has the investment, motivation, or possibility of loss.  (same goes for your child's best advocate: no one is as invested as you in them.)

And..he said he'd see me every week till I could feel the baby move. (Can you see me smiling?)  He'll do ultrasounds every week until we can get the heartbeat on Doppler, then keep it up till movement, and we'll do testing around 12 weeks to check on everything.  I am also requesting progesterone testing again next week (not surprised?) and hematocrit and hemoglobin too.  Can't be too careful.  And now?  I have to advocate for my child too.

Is there anything else to test?  I've already done anti-phospholipid syndrome and NK (natural killer) cell levels.  Hmm..more research is calling my name. ; )  What did we ever do before Google?  Encyclopedias were so out-of-date by the time they were printed.  (and remember those little CD's of Encyclopedia Britannica that came with your PC back in the 1990's?  haha!  that's even funny now.)

I'm off to medicate and gestate.  Thank you for your prayers...and I might need them a little bit longer. : )  Hugs!

Baby Aspirin + New Razor = Trouble

Well, I learned the *hard* way that baby aspirin, new razors, and my ob/gyn don't mix.
Today I had my year-late yearly appointment with my ob/gyn.  I had such a run of appointments/pregnancies/miscarriages, that I was seeing doctors all the time, but I never got a pap smear, so it was time.

I've been taking baby aspirin (to mildly thin my blood, both for my heart and for pregnancy help) for over a year.  I forget that it thins my blood, so when I cut myself on my new razor (dr appointment=new razor) it bled and bled and bled..and hurt!  I wish I'd remembered to take the aspirin after my shower.  I just adore that lovely bit-o'-toilet-paper-stuck-on look.  It has that French-oo-la-la, come hither look. (or maybe just an "I-have-smooth-legs-look") ; )

Anyway I got Ethan dropped off at Mother's Day Out in Rogers (after a crying jag since it wasn't "dinosaur school" (Montessori has this little hare skeleton, and it will forever be dubbed Dinosaur School, but alas-he only goes on Thursday & Friday).  I made it to Bible study, and after some great discussion about how hard things can be when you are pursuing God's will, I had to leave for my doctor's appointment.  It gave me some thinking time about this theory (I'd had) that God's will is the easier route, that He'd part waters for you, prepare the way before you, etc.  I was wrong.  Usually the right path is upstream, hard, bears resistance, and usually involves hecklers (see Acts 17).  So, if you are being heckled, you might be on the right track.

My doctor and I chatted about our family, Kansas City, and asked where we were in the process (since I started seeing a fertility specialist last August).  I updated him on my surgery last September, and that I hadn't been pregnant since.  He told me that after my year (going on two years now, but he was referring to my horrible past year), maybe I should let it go.  He said not only had we been having a hard time already, but that now Ches and I were both a year older.  (and on a side note..I have to have a mammogram.  I'm that old.) Boo hoo hoo.

This was kind of surprising to me.  I didn't know he felt there was a time to let go if you wanted a child.  I told him I'd considered IVF (although I don't know if my uterus would carry a baby anyway), and he said he didn't recommend it.  I had mentioned that I'd started praying for not only God's will, but that if it wasn't His will for us to have a baby, to take away the desire (and therefore the disappointment).  He said that was good, and he wasn't sure we were supposed to have a baby.  He said if God wanted us to have a child, he'd make me pregnant, and God would prove him (my doctor) wrong.  Oh gosh, how hard it was to take.  That's all I can say.

I cried for a while after my appointment.  I mean, there's nowhere to go from here.  Or that's how it feels.  So, now you can pray with me for a miracle.  Or for peace. (or both?)

The next hardest thing was telling Ches.  I can't label my feelings exactly, except that he's disappointed, wants another baby (more than me), and in quitting I feel like I'm letting him down.  It's hard to be that person, but I'm a people-pleaser, so it hurts me as much as him.  Oh, the pain in my heart.  For me and for my family-it's like the burden falls to me since it's my faulty uterus.  Everyone wants a baby, and I'm the only one who can carry it.

* * * * *

On a positive note, Mary Claire had better blood sugars today, so I'm hoping the yuck is over.  She wants to go to the doctor (she loves those people!)..am I encouraging a love of doctors?  I promise I didn't mention I'd been today!  I'm still working on her specialized meter-carrying purse.  It's almost done.  Want a sneak preview?  Here's a little look:

She chose pink and chocolate and sequins.

 

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17:20-21

Another Doctor

Ahh..doctors.  Saw a new one today: Michael Miller in Little Rock.  I have to say, he was pretty good.  He was late very thoughtful, and continued to think about my case as he left the room-he came back to tell me one more thing it could be-my c-section with Ethan (scar tissue from it, more exactly).

So we got there a teensy bit early (you know me, I cut it pretty close!).  It was quite a drive, and I had to talk candy with an Exxon attendant (Tiger Something-that was hours ago!).  They had the old Nerds boxes-the old pictures I remember from childhood!  And they had these things that looked like frosted sugared graham crackers-in flavors (and I can’t for the life of me remember the name), and of course almost all the M&M’s (except coconut! And my box of 24 from Sam’s is all gone!).  Anyway, I tried to avoid the candy aisle-I went down the chip aisle, looked for yogurt (none), then tried the surrounding aisles (all three of them), and nothing. The guy asked if he could help me, but I could have been helped with any of those luscious brown treats.  I  got some pretzel M&M’s and talked candy with the attendant till there was a line behind me.  Time to go!

So, anyway, we made it fine to the doctor’s office, gave them a copy of our marriage license (they require it!), then sat for almost an hour.  At 40 minutes, I asked Ches if I should go complain, but he said to wait for five more minutes.  I got all involved in an old People magazine in an Elizabeth Edwards story, so I forgot all about the doctor!  I even carried it back to the little room when they finally called my name. : ) (and yes, I got to finish it and read an old Southern Living I never had time for at home!)

So, then an intern came in to get my history (that I filled out on the computer last week, and wrote out and brought with me..) (I’m sure she was filling time), and she was very sweet.  She did help me relax and fill time. : )

Finally, we met the doctor! He was very nice, and listened to me talk, to suggestions, and gave his thoughts.  It was refreshing, and he was very knowledgeable.  I appreciated his candidness.  There may be nothing wrong with me, but he’s looking into stuff.  He had me give more blood-this time for TSH, T4 (thyroid hormones), prolactin (which I’ve never had checked), and I can’t remember what else…I think antinuclear antibodies too.

Then we did an ultrasound.  He checked my uterus (but will check it better with a hysterosalpingogram, next month if I’m not pregnant-he wanted to be careful, just in case) and my ovaries.  He could tell I’d ovulated on my left side.  The cysts were pretty big, so I had one or two eggs release-It’s hard to tell.  One was bigger than the other, so it probably released an egg, but the other was enlarged, so maybe it just got ready.

I am to take progesterone starting today and for 16 days.  If I’m not pregnant, I go back for the xray test (uterus-to look for scar tissue), and Ches and I both take antibiotics, then I start Clomid, then we start again.  I haven’t taken it before, so I don’t know much about it.

If I am pregnant, I don’t know what happens next.  He didn’t go into that.  He seemed to understand that a positive pregnancy test wasn’t the happy thing that other people experience.  For me, it’s just a step (sadly).  I liked that he got me.  We’ll keep praying!

Diagnosis: Imperfection is Perfect

I love reading a good book-it broadens my horizons, makes me think about things in a new way, entertains me, and changes my writing. : )  Fun!  What more can you ask for?

A couple of things are going on here at my house.  One is laundry (did it ever not go on?), and the other is trip preparations.  How exactly do you prepare to be gone from your home during a horrible winter storm?  Last year, we had a bad ice storm (understatement), and the house had some damage-a branch came through our roof!  I also didn't realize what can happen when we aren't here to take care of it.  The ice in the freezer leaked out the front of the ice dispenser, down the front, and snaked across the floor, leaving dried ick behind.  We lost everything in our refrigerators/freezers, even though it was under 32 the whole time!  I guess the house stayed just warm enough to spoil the food?  Now I realize if I'd been here, I would have set the food outside!


So today I shopped for groceries.  Ches asked me to buy stuff for the road (although I don't want to eat in the new van!), and I bought some crackers and lots of fruit.  Don't you think you don't eat enough fruit when you are traveling?  I still can't believe it's coming, so I'm only halfway preparing.  Ches reserved a room in Lewisville, Texas for Thursday through Sunday, so he's a little more earnest.  I washed the car (so we could travel in a Shiny Car), and filled it with gas, so we make it.  I'm making an effort.  I'm also checking out the food in the cold storage and trying to decide what to eat first.  Does that count?


We had Clay's conference yesterday morning.  It went well, and I was happy to get some answers.  I'm hoping it'll help us move forward and help us have reasonable expectations for him.  He was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), combined with mathematics disorder.  I'm not disappointed, nor do I think it's a personal defect.  Nothing is wrong with him, he just needs to learn in a different way.  What I found most amazing (or not..as he's my child), is his IQ!  It was so high in reading, language, comprehension, and the highest in perceptual/spatial understanding (which should help in math, no?).  I was glad to see the high scores, and know we didn't "mess up".  He just needs to focus to continue to learn.  I was so excited to know how to help him, I feel like campaigning for ALL kids to get such extensive testing!  They are all individuals, and we should cater education to them.  Imagine if our kids learned in their best way-we could maximize potential, minimize bad self-worth when they think they aren't measuring up.  Ahh, it's eye-opening, and I am glad.  We set off on a new road, and we are our children's best advocates.


I had my progesterone tested today, so I'm waiting to hear how it is.  I got my test results back from a couple weeks ago (the Panel of Tests), and they were normal.  (Is that Good or Bad?)  My doctor's office is so patient, or at least his nurse.  She's very sweet, and still has the patience of Job, even when confronted with Me.  I try to keep the paranoia and nervousness to myself, but I'm sure she can hear it in my voice as I apologize for being the high-maintenance patient.  I've never been on this side, the needy side. It's always been so easy for me.  I'm learning how to see from other people's shoes, and it's not bad.  I will never sit in a waiting room, calling all my friends to tell them what I'm having (as I Just Found Out!), knowing that someone in the huge waiting area may Not be pregnant, but was last week.  I won't complain about the pain/early contractions/exhaustion (ok, so don't mark my words), or the heartburn, knowing someone else might like to enjoy those things for once.  We all pray for wisdom, but say no thanks to the lessons.  I'll take lessons and find something redeeming in them.


** Update:  Doctor's office called at 3:30: My progesterone is 13.3, so it's fine this month.  We just wait a week, and see what happens. : )  **



So, I find myself even more thankful for my imperfect kids, just because they are here.  They are healthy, smiling, full of energy, eat my cooking, stay up late at night to read by flashlight, and have an almost limitless number of hugs to give out.  They are great because they are mine!

Floating Away

Let's make a to-do list that I can't scratch off (and exists only in computer world..).
I need to:
__ Send thank you's to the precious people who care so much and
who've sent donations to JDRF!!
__ Clean my desk
__ Go to bed early
__ Smash the *gosh!#DaRn¿!* fly that keeps buzzing around my
desk!
__ Read all my magazines that keep filling my mailbox (that I
keep on tap even though I never have the time to read)
__ Empty the dishwasher
__ Renew my driver's license in the next eleven days
__ Reschedule Clay's ENT appointment
__ Sign Clay up for fall baseball league
__ Consider baby names
__ Schedule Mary Claire's eye exam (to have eyes dialated)
(NeVeR fun)

And I'll get all this done after I get lunches made, Monday Folders signed and filled out, order school t-shirts, check my email, check Facebook, check FB messages, clean the black beans off of Ethan's booster chair (spilled his plate in his lap at dinner), wash his clothes, and water the plants.

Yep, one of those days!
It was fun-I got to plan for a better deck with my dad-he spent most of the day working on it (and shopping for it...), then I had lunch with two great friends, made it to my (not-the) doctor's appointment, had blood drawn (and was a Big Girl), then we played at Kendra's, then I tried to give the kids popsicles while I made dinner (but they ate them too quickly), then Ethan stripped naked, so I thought a bath would contain his little monkey body for 20 minutes. Well. Therein was my mistake.

It created another big, fat job (and thus another cyber checkmark) for me to work on. He decided "turn the water off when it covers the thighs" (my rule) was not sufficient. In all his baths (three today) (a billion elsewhere), he has learned to work the faucet. Or at least one side of it. Too bad it was the hot side. (well, only the cold would have been equally awful) He had filled it to the very tip top. And I don't mean, Ya Know, This High, I mean FULLLL! With the little helper drain at the top working it's heart out to empty the thing!

Yes, I did the dutiful panic-scream-get mad-panic-pull him out-get mad-try to get him to stop swirling around/splashing out-take off jewelry-pull up sleeve-pull the drain stopper up-get mad some more-dry the crying baby off-cause he was having fun-dry some more of the sides-dry him-ran to get my camera-cause when will there EVER be this much water in here again???

I came back to the kitchen to find sweet Mary Claire stirring the black beans I'd been making (cause they were bubbling/burning?), and the quesadilla was rather brown too. Ahh, motherhood. Conjures up some thoughts. Thankful for some of them, wondering if I'll stuff some of them... He should've known he was writing his own Early Bedtime Ticket. He'll learn. (I hope.)

So now they are all tucked safely in their beds, and I can't wait to do the same. They are all wearing me out! : O

ps-the doctor/nurse visit went well. They were very interested in my jewelry/dress/hair, and not so interested in my pregnancy. They kept saying, "well, this is all old news to you", "you already know all this", and "you should know all about this by now", etc. Umm. Can I just say that any time you have a LIFE growing inside you-it isn't Old Hat? All those old neuroses, and fears, and questions just pop right back up? Yes, you already know the questions, but you want all the reassurances Again? How to make that clear?

ps-Clay was an angel today, Mary Claire was good, but sleepy, tired, didn't feel good, and hungry; and Ethan was..well, you know the story.

ps-I smashed the fly!! : D

Guilt and Kids go together like pb and j

Does the guilt ever stop? I have guilt if I pick out the kids' clothes, if I don't, if I brush their teeth, if I let them do it alone. It goes on and on. Today I was crazy busy getting the kids ready to go back to their first day of school! I got them up earlier than last year, but thinking I had all the time in the world, I took too long upstairs. We were behind, and it got so rushed. I hate them leaving like that. We did get to pray for them and their teachers on the way to school, but it still felt like we could've done better. I think it's partly since Ches had to go into work early, and with the kids needing help, I looked gross. I really would have liked to have gone into the school to take pictures, but I just couldn't. Ethan cried, "School!" and really wanted to go inside. ..Anyway, my real point was that I had guilt I didn't go in with the kids, ugly or not. They'll only got to second and third grade once. God willing.

Both kids are now in the "green" hall, and therefore Big Kids. I can't pick them up in the front anymore. It's a whole new ball of wax on the west side of the school. There are two lines (crazy) for one lane of traffic. There are two outside doors along the same side of the road, and the parents do this crazy (I told you) braiding/driving thing where they wait in two lines (and you have to be psychic to know this if it's your first year) and the older (4th and 5th grade) kids get picked up from the first door (right lane closest to the sidewalk), then the younger big kids (2nd and 3rd) get picked up at the second door, so the 2/3 parents wait patiently over in the left lane next to the teachers' cars, and when a 4/5 parent pulls away from the sidewalk toward the left (in front of the 2/3 parent), then the 2/3 parent pulls all the way right to the sidewalk to get close to the 2/3 door. It is the craziest thing I've ever heard of. They do this trade-off/braiding of traffic that isn't orchestrated by anything other than politeness as sometimes it's two or three cars at a time, and I can't help but wonder: has anyone ever crashed (2/3 parent pulling across traffic to the right, 4/5 parent pulling across traffic to the left)? Seriously?

PG Update:
It finally hit me today. Tonight more precisely. I am exhausted-and can't stop. I feel this need to do all I can before I get huge (I always do). I have cleaned up my summer shoes in my closet, cleared out two stacks of magazines (the side effect of getting so many subscriptions!). I started cleaning off my dresser, took out five shoe boxes (yes, I really like shoes, and I keep thinking the kids will have to bring a shoe box to school for a project...), a bag of trash, cleaned my nightstand, and I'm only getting started. I hate clutter, yet it resides with me. How do you get it to move out?

So, what stopped my delirium was the book I ran across in my cleaning frenzy: Kids' Rooms. I bought it months ago-maybe last year?-when it caught my eye at Lowe's. It's so fun and colorful, and inspiring. I love color (like you didn't know that), and it's full! So...then my mind started racing again: a room, a name.. I have to do some planning.

I'm all cuddled up in bed (my earliest night in a few weeks!) with my laptop and my (fairly) new book. Names can wait...rooms are so much more fun! There are so many decisions to make..where to put the sweet angel, what will it be and where will she/he fit in... Ches asked if we should start an addition, but I think seriously not. We'll be fine for a couple years, and we'll figure it out just fine. I hate to deal with workers (even when they are sweet). I have just had all the painters here in the spring, and the dust is still settling: we found paint dust in our air conditioning filters! (We have the nice thick wire ones that you wash and the attract the dust (allergens?) by electrostatic, and Ches took them down to do the washing (don't even get me started), and they were covered. Gross. Now I'm regretting the day I turned the a/c on to cool the house/workers/Ethan napping, and it sucked the plastic down... for more reasons than one.

I shall have to locate a baby book soon. I've lost my What to Expect When You're Expecting book (and I even bought a second one last go 'round since I loaned out my first copy). Kendra said she knows where hers is, so she's going to loan it to me. I have forgotten so much. I had a headache today, and I took some Tylenol-one of the only things I remember you can have except for Tums. And I'm trying to be good. Let's see how long it lasts

Signs Point to Yes

Well. It's out there. And walking around (or..not) and telling other people!

So, I greet you, sweet readers, with my biggest news in quite a while! I've decided to make my life busier (or God has Great Faith in me!). We just found out that I'm pregnant. There are a million questions hanging in the air, and I can hardly answer any of them. : ) I'm excited, and I think that's all that counts.

My doctor had told me back in January that if we wanted any more kids, it needed to be by the time I was 37 (next September), so he only gave me till Christmas to try, if that's what I decided. I had never had a pop-up timer set on me, and it was incredible pressure. I debated and prayed for a while. I really couldn't make a decision. On good days with the kids, I thought maybe I could handle another, but on bad days, I knew I was done with that song and dance. Well, I decided to let God decide since I had no clear answer (or was ignoring His answers?). I just walked out on a limb and decided to have great faith. A couple of months ago, I thought maybe I was pregnant, took a test, and I was not. I was (surprising to me!) kind of disappointed. I didn't know until then that I even wanted a baby for sure. Really. It happened like that. So, we tried a little harder (heehee). This month, I had some malfunctioning tests (one that didn't absorb, umm..liquid, and one that didn't have ANY lines-not even the "control" line). Talk about stressful. Ches went and bought the newest fancy tests: Digital! If you can imagine. They are not iffy or confusing, and there's no misinterpretation. So after the two bad ones, I took the fancy test, and got a very definitive No. I was sad, but this past week, I prayed some more, and decided I was fine with the great kids I already have. I "told" God that I was okay with not having more, and I was happy (He must've been laughing mighty hard). So when I took the last of the digitals on Sunday, I was quite surprised to see it say, "Yes". I was just so confused and surprised, and a little scared, mix it all up with nervousness (or is anxiety a better word?). That was me. I cried and was so shaky-I was just shocked that God would yet again put his faith in me (literally). I know this baby is a gift from God, and we will dutifully raise him or her the best we can. Babies and little people are not easy (even when they're all packed tightly inside you..), but you learn so much about yourself, your family, your partner, your life-it magnifies things. When you see happiness looking back at you, you feel so content. You see your mark on them, and it's wonderful. Every thank you that comes from them came from you. Every hug they give their friend or brother came from you. The desire to give to others came from you. You know you've made the world a better place. At least until the yelling begins again.

I will set out on a new adventure with wind in my sails. It won't always be calm seas, but I've seen it and done it before. I'll just have to work on putting me on the schedule again. Naps? Check. I got my first one today! : )

Oh, the only answer I can give is that I'm due around April 26th. Yes, 2010. Sounds so futuristic!